


the one where Tord isn't actually there

by Rastro



Category: Eddsworld - All Media Types
Genre: Matt and Tord are gonna show up soon i swear, Other, a friend wanted me to write out this idea, i just write these when i feel like it tbthbtht
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-03-25
Updated: 2016-04-03
Packaged: 2018-05-28 23:19:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,801
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6349729
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rastro/pseuds/Rastro
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>tom is bidoof and edd is squirtle<br/>"im dying squirtle"<br/>-- ok heres an updated summary<br/>its just tomtord drabbles except tord isnt actually in them (yet)<br/>i only did this for a friend to read tbhtbth</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

“Tom?”  
Edd leaned his hands gently on the edge of the table, looking over Tom who had slammed his face onto the table seconds ago. He hit the table so hard an empty bottle jumped and rolled off onto the floor with a clank, thank god it didn’t break.  
Tom didn’t move his head, all he did was give a ‘hmm’ sound in response to Edd’s call. “What’s the matter now? You’ve been more strange than usual all week.” Edd questioned, trying to keep his voice down. They were in the kitchen but his voice still sounded too loud for him, it was 3 am. Tom still didn’t move, but he heard a muffled “nothing” from him, Edd shook his head. He figured this was because of Tord arrival, he suddenly came home and decided to move back in. He and Matt were happy to see each other, Edd was happy to see Tord too, the only one who remained unhappy was Tom. Though a frown is Tom’s natural expression, he’s been especially grumpy since Tord arrived, they can only stay in the same room for so long without starting a fight. Edd’s week has been more work than it should from keeping them apart, while still trying to make sure they don’t become mortal enemies; if they aren’t already.  
“So I guess you don’t want to talk about it, since you already are on a mission to kill your liver huh?” Edd looked at Tom, who only responded with a thumbs up. “Well, alright.” He sighed.  
“I’m not going back to bed so soon, so speak now.” Edd began to fix himself a bowl of cereal, moving especially slow incase Tom changed his mind. He was just putting the milk back in the fridge when Tom made a noise.  
“Mmm mmn tmm.” Of course he was talking while he was face down, Edd rolled his eyes and sat down with his cereal. “Sorry I didn’t catch that, can you actually speak please.” Tom spoke muffled words again, this time Edd could make out the muffled “wise guy” he slurred. He munched on his cereal as Tom slowly lifted his head up, still slouched over the table. “I like Tord.” He said flatly, blinking slowly. Edd swallowed, tilted his head a little. “Yeah, I like Tord too Tom.” He replied, bringing another bite of food to his mouth. He's gonna guess Tom rolled his eyes, he can’t really tell since Tom doesn’t have any. “Let me try again.” Tom began, choking up the moment he spoke. Edd was ready for his friend to throw up right there, but he held it back. He chewed slower so he could hear his friend, who was still trying to stop his obvious head rush. “I’m attracted to Tord.” Edd actually tried to stop his swallow, instead he coughed. “I’m sorry?” He asked, trying to check of Tom was too drunk or telling the truth.  
“I’m dying Edd.” Ok, so he is telling the truth. This isn’t actually going to kill Tom, maybe; but Edd was still curious.  
“Um...Why? I mean- Since when?”  
“Hell if I know, when he came back? I try not to think about it, like right now.” Tom said, grabbing the bottle and taking a good swing. Edd could tell Tom was troubled by this and not taking it the right way, he wanted to help somehow. 

He thinks about how Tom was in firm denial of Tord return on monday, saying he’ll be gone the next day. On tuesday Tom started a fight with Tord, Edd ignored it at first, but when it carried on too long and too intensely; he stepped in. Wednesday Tom barely came out of his room, Edd wants to assume he was sleeping all day, but Matt was way more worried. Thursday Tom almost begged Edd to kick Tord out, it went something like; “Can you at least think about it?” “No Tom.” And so forth.  
Now his best friend was here, telling him why the week has been hell for everyone, all because Tom hasn’t reached that last stage yet. “So..” Edd started, slowly bringing the last spoonful to his mouth. “When's acceptance?” Tom rubbed his temples and closed his eyes, everything felt slow. He was already reaching for the bottle again as he was answering Edd’s question. “Acceptance?...Pff” He lifted the bottle to Edd. “This is acceptance.” He said, giving the bottle a small shake in his hands before he chugged it down. Edd put the last bite into his mouth and shook his head again, oh Tom, he really has no other coping methods. They sat there for a while, Edd doing nothing with the empty bowl, and Tom high fiving the table with his forehead again. It was Tom’s problem, but he’s sure they’ll work it out. “Are you gonna tell him?”  
“Who.”  
“Tord.”  
“No.”  
Edd looked at Tom, who stared back at him with those hollow eyes. Tom sighed. “It’s my problem, I’ll figure it out.” He pushed back in his chair and stood, more like stumbled, couldn’t even balance himself on the first step. Edd stood up too as Tom clumsily walked back to his room.“Well- I’m here Tom.” He said, loud enough for Tom to hear down the hall. He saw Tom turn his head back to Edd in the dark, he couldn’t tell what his expression was. He just wants Tom to be ok, no more being exhausted at the end of the week. “I’m your friend, ok?” Tom was silent, but gave a nod, and walked down the rest of the dark hallway. Edd licked his lips and set his plate in the sink, everything will be fine, he’ll make sure of it.


	2. [strums guitar] anyway heres creep by radio head

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> wrot e another idea made with a friend  
> au where tom vents through music id ONT KNOW  
> im um, well i dnt knwo  
> i dont really hold any excpectation when i write im just kinda writing so sorry if its garbaaageeee

Tom forces himself up from the bed, he's tired of staring up at the ceiling. It's not going to change anytime soon, much like himself. He rubs his eye with one hand as he reaches for his bass with the other. It’s been 4 days since his last drink, and he hasn’t felt more drained than ever. He feels groggy, exhausted from all this thinking. This is why he goes on adventures with his friends, so he doesn’t have to think about anything, keeps his mind busy. But now he's too far into his head to stop now, he might as well dump it all out in ways that don’t involve hurting himself. He grabs his bass, slings the strap over his shoulder and lets himself lean against the wall. He strums it for a while, slowly sliding down the wall to sit on the floor, staring at the room, not really doing anything. He starts humming kinda, his mind feels blank. Breathing feels harder when your face is on fire, and your chest is all soft. He isn’t sleepy but he doesn’t want to keep his eyes open, he feels lost. Not empty lost, just ‘what now?’ Lost, needs someone to point in a direction for him. Except he won’t ask for that, because he doesn’t need that, he can do it himself even if it takes 8 years. He’ll figure it out himself no matter how many cuts he comes out with, if any. He’s strumming again, he can’t really think of any lyrics, so he decides to start mindlessly singing words from the dumb songs on the radio. “Hmm.” He starts, doesn’t sound like any particular song, it just starts out as a hum. Then he draws it out, changing the tone as he goes, lazily strumming. “You only...shit.” He was gonna sing, the moment he opened his mouth though his throat felt cluttered with pebbles. He sounded gross, and felt a wash of heat again when he replayed what he was going to sing in his head, 'son of a-'. He patted his hands on his face, this felt repetitive, the feeling; whatever this feeling was. He groaned, gripped his bass, gave it a strong strum and screamed. Not an actual all effort scream, but a loud AAAH; not hard enough to strain his throat or annoy his roommates. He didn’t want Edd coming by anyway, so he made sure not to sound like he was in pain, more like in frustration. He felt a little better, he could sing now. He cleared his throat and sat up, put his fingers over the strings.  
“Lie half asleep….. You still find a way to stumble back to me.” His voice is too low for anyone to hear, it sounds just slightly scratchy still, but it doesn’t bother him right now. He just wants to let it out somehow. He starts again, strums his bass, doesn’t sound too bad for just guessing the cords.  
“You only want me when the lights low.” He pauses, looks at the door, did anyone actually hear him though? He shakes the thought away, turns away from the door and looks back at his bass.  
“Now that you’re drinking will you say you need me?” He chuckles, ironic. He mumbles the rest of the words, can barely hear them himself. His mind feels scrambled, he's struggling to find words that are his own. He’s written several drabbles over the days, but nothing finished. He’s frustrated with himself. These days have felt somewhat relieving, but also tiring. He thinks about the conversation he had with Edd a week ago at the kitchen table, at three in the morning. He thinks about everything he admitted, and how Edd shot down his fears of shame.  
He gives a hard strum again and screams, now he screams like he means it. He sounds like he's getting murdered, and he kinda feels like that too. He threw his head back when he screamed though, and it hit the wall, so it sounded more like “AAAAAH-OW.”  
Well now he was laughing, that sounded hilarious; why was it so funny? His genuine laugh started to turn into fake giggles, his eyes started watering. He put his hand on his neck, didn’t grip it, he only held it there. Tears just went down his face, stopped at his chin and fell to his legs. He held his neck because he couldn’t make a sound, his throat felt tighter than ever.  
“Tom?”  
“OH SHIT.” He jumped at his friend’s voice, god damn he was zoning the fuck out wasn’t he? He wipes his eyes real fast, takes off his bass and puts it to the side. “Tom, you alright?” Edd’s voice was hushed, what time was it? He sounded so concern, fucking Edd. Good friend, Tom will never think he thanks him enough. He gets up, then he falls down, then he gets up again and falls against the door. “Hmm?” He still felt like he couldn’t speak so he just mumbled all his words. “I, and everyone else probably, heard you scream. Are you okay?” Edd knew this whole ‘one week no drink’ thing was having a toll, yes. “Yeah Edd, m’ alright. Just frustrated...and tired.” Tired as usual. Edd didn’t say anything but he was still there, both of them leaning on the door.  
“Is this..I mean. Do you want to talk about it?” Tom almost considered giving a ‘maybe’. “No.” He said, and sniffed, fuck.  
“Don’t cry Tom..”  
“I’m not.”  
“Then why are you breathing?”  
“Because I have to?”  
Edd laughed, it was late, their brains are turning off. Tom laughed too, it was good. He would feel much better talking to Edd like this, with a door between them. They were close but not face to face, it felt easier. “Stupid, I meant why are you sniffling?”  
“M’ nose is stuffy.”  
“You sick?”  
“Probably, should give me some medicine, preferably alcohol.”  
He heard Edd sigh, and mumble ‘is that really going to help you?’ Under his breath, he probably thought Tom didn’t hear it. But he did, and he agreed. They went quiet again, standing there. Edd sat down at some point and hit the back of his head against the door, Tom sat with him. He felt better, he should get out of the room tomorrow all day. Today wasn’t fun, being locked up in his room, tomorrow would be better.  
“Tom?” Edd said, sounding rather quiet, almost cautionate.  
“Hmm?” Tom replied, stomach warming with anticipation, he had a feeling he was going to ask about-  
“Is this...about..last week? What you told me?”  
God fucking damn it.  
Tom bit his lip, he was hoping Edd wasn’t going to ask. But honestly, what else could this be about. He wasn’t sure what to say. He was going to say no, but, for once he actually considered just; spitting it out. He wasn’t going to though, but he wasn’t gonna completely push Edd away either.  
“You don’t have to tell me anything, just yes or no.” Edd mumbled. Tom didn’t want to be totally alone with this, for god’s sake he was writing song drabbles again. He’s stubborn though, he knows himself enough, and so does Edd.  
“Maybe.” He knew Edd was shaking his head. “So what?”  
Edd was silent for a moment, or two, then he spoke. “I knew it was bothering you, just didn’t think this much.” Edd was quiet again, then he nearly whispered.  
“Maybe you should say something.”  
Tom froze, looked at the papers on the floor, looked at his bass. ‘I’ve been saying so much shit for the past days’ he thought to himself, so many things he said he would kill himself if someone else heard, especially-. He shook his head, covered his face with his hands, took a deep breath. He turned turned towards the door, cleared his throat. “Never.” He bit out the words, he’ll be dead before that ever happens. He couldn’t tell Edd’s reaction, something along disappointment probably. He heard Edd crack his knuckles, then his fingers.  
“Alright.”  
What? He gave? No way. Tom’s eyes widened, he heard Edd getting up. He acted without thinking, muttered a “wait” as he stumbled over to his bass and picked up a particular sheet of paper. When he reached for the door he slipped, ended up opening it then falling through, Edd side stepped as he did. Tom caught himself on his knees and looked up at Edd, who had bags under his eyes. He didn’t look disappointed or upset, just curious. “Wait.” Tom breathed again, standing up holding his bass and paper, he looked at the two things in his hands. ‘Well, since i’m already doing this’ he thought, he’ll regret this later. “I’m gonna regret this later.” That wasn’t the thought he wanted to say, but Edd was already smiling.  
“I- um.” He started to put the bass over his shoulder and looked at the sheet, titled “day one Edd wont let me kill Tord” The words are kinda sloppy, but he can still read it. He looks back at Edd who is now beaming, Tom frowns. “Just one.” He states, holding a finger up at Edd who nods excitedly. 

They go back into Tom’s room and he sings the drabble. It didn’t sound very good, some of it doesn’t even rhyme and Tom’s voice sounds tired. Tom couldn’t even look back at Edd when he finished, his head stayed low but his eyes looked up, and saw Edd’s smile. It never wavered though, it fell from a grin to a gentle smile, but remained.  
“It sounded kinda funny.” Edd said. Reaching over for the paper, Tom almost stopped him but kept his hand down. “What?” He asked, grabbing the strap and pulling it over his head to have the bass on his lap. “I mean, it sounds like you were trying to stay on a bitter tone.” Edd pointed at one part of the paper. “But I can tell where you almost strayed to uh, not bitter tone.” Then he started pointing at multiple parts of the paper. Tom was first confused, then realized what he was referring to and snatched the paper out of his hands. “Fuck off.” He muttered, ears turning pink.  
Edd chuckled. “You said ‘stupid’ a lot.” He said, raising a brow while still smiling at Tom. He stuck his tongue out in response to his roommate, because he had nothing to say to him.  
Edd sat up, it’s late and Tom was only willing to share one thing, Edd was closing the door behind him when he spoke up.  
“Tom.”  
“Yeah?”  
Edd thought for a moment, looked at the papers.  
“You should keep writing, it's good.”  
Tom stared back at Edd, speechless, or blanking out. “I need a drink.” He mumbled turning back to his papers.  
Edd laughed. “Maybe tomorrow.” He said as he closed the door, and walked back to his room.  
Tomorrow, thank god.  
Today was friday.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for reading the garbage  
> dont like comment or subscribe  
> k thx

**Author's Note:**

> bees?  
> dont ask when this takes place it just does  
> im neve er writing eddsworld fanfics again  
> (mayb)


End file.
